Dear Talya
"I have a friend who is shutting out everybody in his life and that is worrying me. What can I do"?
Dear Reader
As human beings when someone we care about is suffering we immediately want to reach out and help them or even fix them. We often feel like they shouldn't be suffering or struggling because let's be honest, we are not all that in tune with our own suffering. We try avoid it at all costs.
In my experience, everything is a refection of ourselves so if we can find peace in our own suffering, and actually feel what we are feeling, we will begin to hold the space for others, knowing that our suffering has brought us to another level of understanding in ourselves, and so knowing that the same will be for them.
Holding the space for another means that we have them in our hearts and we have the utmost compassion for them but we don't try and fix them. Sometimes even simple words like 'I love and care about you and I am here if you need me' is enough. We have to respect other's paths. We don't really know why people have to go through what they go through but if we hold the belief that everything that we go through is good because it brings us closer to ourselves, then we automatically help the other person.
I have found that trying to rescue someone is in a way taking their power away from them. Holding the intention for them that they are just as capable as we are to face their own demons will help them. It may seem that what I am saying means that you are not really doing anything for them but that is my point. There is very little doing and more holding an intention of love and trust in life, for someone else.
At the same time people need space to be themselves and find themselves and this may look like they have changed in a negative way but we need to give those we love the benefit of the doubt and trust them and trust these challenging processes.
And at the end of the day, we are all in Gods hands and the Universe has our back.
I have found that the most powerful thing in helping someone in their pain is letting them go through it because we know for ourselves that when we face our own pain, we come out transformed.
Thank you for posting this question, it has also been a great reminder for me in my own life.
Be love, give love, send loving intentions and all is well.
Talya
